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Joke of the Day
"What do caves have? Echosystems. From my 9 year-old."
Next Joke
"There are 3 types of people in the world Those who can count and can't count"
"I can sing a rainbow.. Grey and grey and grey and grey, Grey and grey and grey... I can sing a woodlouse... Kudos to Bill Bailey."
"THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise"
"I've been practicing pickup lines for depressed men... Hey baby, can you get your pants lower than my self-esteem?"
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend called me a douche this morning... but I guess it explains why her sister smelled so much better after I finished banging her last night credit: /u/thehofstetter"
"Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself."
"Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips."
"A bit cheesy but here goes: There once was a man who used to collect spices from all over the world... now he just doesn't have the thyme."
"It's cute that you think everyone is jealous of you. We actually just don't like you."