190768

Joke of the Day

"[Me]: What's a snowman's favorite drink? [Bartender]: idk [Me]: Brrrr-bon lol [Bartender]: ... [Me]: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real"

"The cannabis industry... It's a growing market."

"I was asked to leave the PTA because they don't consider what I do parenting."

"Never make plans with an executioner. They always leave you hanging. Or cut your head off or something like that"

"How did Skrillex get Potassium Hydroxide all over the floor? He dropped the base."

"Why did John F. Kennedy take a cab home? Because he had too many shots."

"My friend Richard is protesting against the unjust treatment of Gorillas Dick's out for Harambe."

"Somebody told me that today literally adds up But that's silly, 8+8 =/= 2016"

"""so what did you do before self-driving cars?"" ""we just drove 'em ourselves!"" ""wow, no one died that way?"" ""oh no, millions of people died"""

"You can read his mind in his face. Yes it's usually a complete blank."