190705

Joke of the Day

"Humans are like M&M's. They might be in all different colors, but they all taste the same when you eat them."

"I used to have a roommate who was always smoking in my apartment, but only with e-cigs. He died of e-cancer."

"My ex used to sing ""Brown Eyed Girl"" to me.... I have blue eyes. This should have been a sign."

"The fish's guitar sounded terrible. He must've forgotten his tuna."

"Is it rude to go up to someone with an eyepatch and say ""Was it all fun and games up until that point?"""

"What do you get when you cross a rooster with a PB&J. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth. Shout out to Roosterteeth"

"In a perfect world I'd own a fertilizer / external hard-drive distribution company called Shits N Gigs."

"Your proctologist called. He found your head."

"Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper... I woke this morning with a huge correction."

"The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick... Moby Dick's Adobe Mick."