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Joke of the Day

"Skipped the gym today to go to McDonald's. The bus did not come back, so I had to walk 2 miles home. Well played, universe."

"Republicans: Don't let Syrians in! Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in! Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we've got an election to win)"

"What's brown and sticky? The contents of my pants."

"""I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?"" - girls who are mad"

"I tucked my kids in last night and said, ""See you in the morning!"" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise."

"What happens when someone overdoses on Viagra? They die hard."

"If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd install dimmer lights in the bathroom. Should anyone dim the lights, I'd have a song play. When the Lights Go Down in the Shitty"

"Doctor: You are very sick! The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion? The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too..."

"Why was Han Solo suspicious when he first put his penis in Princess Leia? It was Luke warm"

"What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders...."