190518

Joke of the Day

"When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty"

"What is the worst type of sand to have in your pants? Sandusky"

"How to beat depression: 1) Talk to someone 2) When that person says ""just cheer up,"" beat that person with a baseball bat."

"Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have nothing but a gross penny you found in some filthy parking lot."

"Why did the Jonestown jokes never catch on? The punchlines were too long."

"OBAMA: your resume says you think of the ""best nicknames?"" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit"

"Why Don't feminists make good botanists? They spend the entire time in the greenhouses bitching about the glass ceiling."

"A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail."

"My son said he was touched by the priest at todays religious service I was there too, it was a beautiful ceremony"

"Sunday is an attractive person at the bar who turns out to be religious"