190515

Joke of the Day

"Each one of us has a secret. My secret is that I can't keep a secret. Also Jill is a lesbian."

"What's worse than stepping on a Lego in the middle of the night? A landmine."

"Once you go black.. You become a single mother."

"i've got a pilot's licence... and i'm not giving it back to him. luckily he's too drunk to notice."

"This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies."

"[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time."

"I'll pay extra for the hairdresser comfortable with silence."

"I was pretty sure I've been dead and in hell for the past three hours until I was informed the air conditioner isn't working."

"Let's cure feminism with the 7up plan. Wake up Chin up Grow up Cheer up Lighten up Loosen up But most of all SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"I'm going to open a sperm bank. I'll call it ""Get a load of that guy"""