190476

Joke of the Day

"I knew my camping holiday was doomed when I saw the people at the next pitch struggling with a torn ground sheet and bent pegs. It was a portent."

"What's the difference between an immigrant & a book? One of them has papers."

"ME: how long will it take to remodel my house? CONTRACTOR: only about 2 months [9 years later] CONTRACTOR: ok so we've installed 1 stair"

"How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size? In square feet."

"I can't tell if I'm going bald... or if it's all in my head."

"6: I'm going outside to play. Me: Stay in your own yard. 6: Define ""my own yard"" Me: .... have fun. So her mother's child."

"How school works: In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass."

"What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato? A dictator."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's pretty time consuming. I'll escort myself out now."

"we're fucked When u thought that Donald Trump running for president was a joke then realized I don't have enough money saved up to move out of the country."