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Joke of the Day

"When I'm away from my girlfriend, I feel incomplete... ... But I love it when we're together again, because she makes me feel hole."

"Teacher asks a question Teacher: ""whoever answers my next question can go home"" Jimmy throws his bag out the window Teacher: ""who just threw that?"" Jimmy: ""that was me"""

"What did the pirate say to his sister? Aye sis"

"Why do the hamburgers beat the hot dogs at every sport they play? Because hot dogs are the wurst!"

"I keep writing letters to myself. Dear me."

"Wonder what a black guy would look like without a diamond earring."

"What is the difference between a thief and a pervert? A thief snatches watches."

"1995: one day the Internet will allow all people access to the full breadth of human knowledge. 2016: *watching cat videos*"

"How did the hipster burn her tongue? She ate her soup before it was cool"

"lifeguard: can you describe the thing that touched you? me: yea...it was like a wet wind chime made out of wieners lifeguard: a squid?"