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Joke of the Day

"You're trapped in a room with a tiger a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice."

"Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs."

"What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a factory-grown chicken? They're both getting beaten by the name of Sanders."

"You can learn a lot about your kids by helping them with their homework for example, mine are idiots."

"It's nice that the french finally grew some balls... ...and shot down a German plane but unfortunately the war ended 70 years ago."

"HER: Let me know when you get your shit together. ME: So I guess this is goodbye."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side (as in, heaven). Congrats you've just learned why that joke is that joke. Have a good day, faggot."

"Recycling Jesus died for our bins."

"What did the gay guy with Alzheimer's ask his partner? Where did I drop the soap?"

"Limericks : Think this needs tweaking... There was a young man from Constantinople Whose limericks didn't always rhyme They finished too short."