19014

Joke of the Day

"""We suspect you may have inability to vocalise emotion disease"" ""I can't say I'm surprised"" *doc strokes beard* ""Hmm yes.Just as we thought"""

"How did Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalogue. ba dum tss"

"What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk."

"Being bummed that you finished your sandwich only to remember that you haven't even taken a bite of it yet must be what Heaven is."

"Thought i was out of toilet paper today Turns out i had a shitload"

"To level the playing field, online dating sites should require using the picture in your driver's license."

"During a routine physical the Doctor said, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" asked the patient. ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"""

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face."

"Whats the difference between pizza and your opinion? I only asked for pizza."

"Flight attendant: ""will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?"" Me: ""yes"" In my head: ""No we're all gonna die"""