19012

Joke of the Day

"I'm ""the cord popped out of the phone cause I tried to stretch it from the kitchen to my room"" years old"

"Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear"

"Date: so what do you do Me: i build dog houses Date: oh you're an ""arf""itect lol Me: haha good one Date: Me: (under breath) it's ""bark""itect"

"When playing ""Got your nose,"" make sure the victim is willing to play. Also, that you're not at a urinal. Also, that it's their nose."

"In the midst of all this negativity and hate please take comfort in remembering that I have a 5 star uber passenger rating"

"[sound of can opening] wife: you're drinking a beer this early? me: c'mon...it's super bowl sunday wife: but we're still at church"

"dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says ""Craftsman"" dad: me: Are you crying?"

"Him: God you smell good, what is that? Me: chicken nuggets"

"I think I just passed a Pussy Willow. I couldn't see clearly because there was a big bush in front of it."

"How did Reddit not fell down yet? I mean, it is only hanging by threads..."