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Joke of the Day

"[sound of can opening] wife: you're drinking a beer this early? me: c'mon...it's super bowl sunday wife: but we're still at church"

"I made up a color in my head today. It was a pigment of my imagination."

"Why did Woodrow Wilson take a long time to turn around? Because he could only make 14 point turns."

"Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That's where you wash all your vegetables!"

"have a nail gun and some boards laying around? show him you love him by adding some attractive wood paneling to his car"

"It may not be ""politically correct"" to say this... ...but there are over one million U.S Senators."

"I'm gonna start using my cat's ages like y'all do your kids. 5 just projectile vomited and 1 is trying to eat it off the floor."

"tough choice Obama, Osama, and Hitler are lined up against a wall who gets shot first Obama for fucking this country"

"*a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?"

"I'm an Asian male who scored a 2300 on the SAT I still don't know if i met my parents' expectASIANs."