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Joke of the Day

"Some people just have a way with words... ...and other people ... oh ... not have way."

"Don't like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I'd consider it."

"What do fat people do in the summer? Stink"

"Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone's kid, and a headache"

"I went to the library today I said: do you have any books on suicide? She said: we did, but no one brings them back"

"Just because it's Friday the 13th, people seem to think that horrible things are going to happen, like another shitty horror movie being released."

"Once I get the creative juices flowing, I realize how disgusting that really sounds."

"Paula Deen reportably has type 2 diabeties. Any word on she's serving it with butter?"

"Don't play pocket hockey... the referee is a dick!"

"How did the Hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool"