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Joke of the Day

"Wikileaks has been experiencing financial difficulties recently. Would it help if they began running... classified ads?"

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"

"Announcer: ""Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!"" [crowd goes nuts] A: ""Well too bad, here's Coldplay"""

"""LOL"" is the new way of saying ""I really have nothing to say."""

"What did the 2 rednecks say after breaking up? Let's just be cousins."

"if a rabbit's foot brings good luck then, what happened to the rabbit?"

"Gifts for the family Nephew- iPod Son- iPhone Father- iPad Mother-iRon"

"TIL the average person has sex 90 times a year... ... My December is going to be fucking sick."

"Toilets that automatically flush before I'm done make me feel like every relationship I've ever been in."

"How are asymptotes like women? You can get close to it, but you can't touch it"