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Joke of the Day

"My wife said in the morning ""You are an idiot""... while combing her hair in front of the mirror when I walked by."

"Just once I'd like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do... Without being dragged out being told, ""Ma'am, you're not the bride..."""

"[Interview] CEO: Why do you think you'd be a good fit at our firm? GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:"

"A car full of catholic school children got in a terrible accident Nun survived."

"I like my women how I like my coffee. Without a penis."

"That awkward moment when you're scuba diving and you see adele rolling in the deep."

"A black guy and a white guy fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first? Better question would be: Why were they in the tree in the first place?"

"Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person."

"Whens someone says you've changed, it simply means you've stopped living your life their way"

"I once saw this funny porno.. I was laughing so hard."