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Joke of the Day

"We need to protect this country! The U.S. needs to stop these Chinese terrorists from crossing the border and spreading Ebola!"

"I need to buy some maternity clothes. And by maternity clothes, I mean clothes I wear when I punch pregnant women."

"What's another name for a necrophile? A dissexual."

"What do you call an oval with a speech impediment? An Elipshhh"

"Nothing is certain but death and iTunes updates."

"Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either."

"How gays decide who will be on the top? With a swordfight."

"Whats a caged animal's favorite food? Zoocchini"

"What did the pro bono plastic surgeon say to their patient on Dec 31st? Happy new ears Eve!"

"I hate that fucking composer he is such a son of a bach."