6027

Joke of the Day

"You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck."

"Letting the grocery bagger bring my groceries out sounds nice but I can't handle trying to remember where I parked in front of a stranger."

"This may sound racist but all black luggage looks the same."

"What do male prostitutes and Inspector Clouseau have in common? They're both Peter Sellers"

"Did you dream of me, baby? -Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk? No, silly. -Then no."

"Instead of saying a package is Family Size, it'd be more helpful if it listed a time frame, like 3 Hours Worth of Cookies."

"My mom got remarried to a man with a son, and he just crapped in our bathroom. So now I have a step-father, a step-brother, and a step-stool!"

"On a flight with my friend, he asks ""if the door was to blow open would we fall out?"" I reply ""nah I'm pretty sure we'd still be friends"

"There are two things I hate in every politician: their face."

"Being half German and half Jewish has its problems... Every time I walk by an oven I want to push myself in."