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Joke of the Day

"Did you know George III never even bothered to leave his couch during the American Revolution? He was sofa king comfortable."

"So my friend held up a can of coke... And asked, ""How do people snort this stuff?"""

"Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: ""long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."""

"Nothing worse than taking a run and then having to take a shit when your a mile & a half away from ur bathroom. I almost shitted in a bush"

"Me: Ugh! I never know what to say in these situations... Friend: You say 'good morning' back"

"The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him."

"What did the flower say about the tree heading to the sky? He's on route."

"I have a file on my computer named Hillary Clinton When I tried to open it, I got a message saying ' file is too corrupt'"

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven."

"Why did the bear eat his phone? It was a black berry..."