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Joke of the Day

"Why is President Carter important to Hamburger Land in April? One the opening day of the baseball season he throws out the first meatball!"

"CanOfWorms.exe"

"[wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt"

"I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation that I have... Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern? Pumpkin pie!"

"What's the difference between a divorce and a tornado in the south? Nothing. Either way someone is going to lose a trailer"

"I'm having a very hard time believing that money can't buy me happiness. Especially since I'm constantly smiling when I have it."

"So I wanted to write a joke about the lack of aplomb demonstrated by the police recently in Texas. But that would resemble a bomb, and I might get in trouble."

"A dyslexic man... Walks into a bra."

"I use to be terrified of speed bumps... But I slowly got over it."