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Joke of the Day

"Where do football directors go when they are fed up? The bored room!"

"Marry a man who surrounds himself with good weather and can provide good weather for you and your children."

"John Cusack will always have ""I didn't do my homework but I love you"" face."

"I hate it when homeless people shake their Change cups at me..... I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it."

"What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie? *Who are you wearing?*"

"What did the Nazi say to the pregnant Jew? I see you have another Jew in the oven."

"I saw Jimmy Carr at the train station the other day.. ..I guess it's because he doesn't like taxis"

"I probably shouldn't have spent $500 on that pair of leather sunglasses... But hidesight is 20/20, I suppose"

"Oh thank goodness, you posted another selfie. I almost forgot what you looked like since the selfie 5 minutes ago."

"Two peanuts are walking down the road One is assaulted"