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Joke of the Day

"Roses are red... Roses are red, downvotes are blue, speaking of downvotes, here's one for you!"

"[Ouija Board] Me: Spirit, answer this one questiondo you like me? Board: R E A D 1 2 : 3 7 P M"

"Russian Cosmonauts have been banned from telling jokes on the Interational Space Station... ... because they always involve Mir puns."

"A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking."

"If you are fat... If you are far, go to the UK, you will lose a couple of pounds"

"Birthdays are good for you.... The more you have, the longer you live."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Today has been approved by both my middle fingers."

"[looking at an old pic of me and my wife in college] Me: Wow, you used to be hot Wife: *death glare* Me: ...but not as hot as you are now"

"My girlfriend came home yesterday.... She told me to take off her shirt. I obeyed. Then she told me to take off her skirt, so I said ""OK"". Then she told me to never wear her clothes again"