189093

Joke of the Day

"I asked my dog if he'd ever heard of Pavlov He said, ""I can't say for sure, but the name rings a bell."""

"My mother taught me about reverse osmosis. ""Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."""

"*interrupts eulogy* SOMEONE SAID THAT ALMOST WORD FOR WORD AT THE LAST FUNERAL"

"mom hates dad My mother used to be a ventriliquist.. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father"

"Why do French warships have glass bottoms? So that they can see the rest of their fleet."

"Didn't know true sadness until I accidentally pressed a button on my iPhone camera and saw my face from 2 inches away."

"I bought my girlfriend 2 presents for her birthday I got her a new pair of shoes and a dildo. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"A young wife was dying... She called her husband and said, ""Gary, I have a confession: I've been unfaithful."" Gary answered, ""I know. That's why I poisoned you."""

"What's a pirates favorite letter? Ayyyy, tis true he loves R, but his true love is the C!"

"Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed"