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Joke of the Day

"Fucking a mannequin is not an excuse to tell your friends you're banging a model."

"I have one friend who is very creepy and intense and whenever we take a photo together all I can think is ""this will be on Dateline someday"""

"My son walked in on me and my wife ""wrestling"" on the bed. We call it ""wrestling"" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu."

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Eats Her Feelings Julie' and 'Loves Abortions Brenda'."

"I always pretend I've never had the samples at Costco. ""What's this? Bagel Bites? Combining bagel & pizza into one?? Now this I GOTTA TRY!"""

"Does Al Pacino think that he's getting paid by the decibel?"

"Did you hear about the guy who's making ""Colostomy Bag Pipes"" on Kick Starter? They sound like shit."

"Made this joke up when I was 33. Extremely proud of it. Why did the salt fail 3rd grade. Cause it was sodiumb."

"What do blacks and bikes have in common? They both stop working when you take their chains off. Edit: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was America. By the way, got this from AskReddit."

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too! Hey Reddit! What is your favorite Mitch Hedburg joke?"