188703

Joke of the Day

"Sally sells seashells by the seashore. Her monopoly has left the seashore economy in shambles. 86% of hermit crabs are now homeless."

"7 million people watched the ""Game of Thrones"" season finale. Seven million people. That's one viewer for each ""Game of Thrones"" character."

"I'm really claustrophobic and just walked into a room crammed full with married people... Luckily there wasn't a single person in it"

"What's the only difference between a prostitute and a bowling ball? I can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball"

"What do you call a 5 year-old with no friends [dark] A Sandy hook survivor. C.o. my fucked up cousin"

"Italian Knock knock Knock a knock - who's there - Ayatollah - Ayatollah who? - Ayatollah you already."

"We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too"

"Zooey Deschanel always looks like she's been shown a card trick"

"There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage... ... as long as it doesn't delay the wedding."

"If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?"