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Joke of the Day

"My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid."

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"How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? One to change it, thirty to write a book about it. :3"
"""The ankle so important to a basketball player."" Something the announcer just said."
"funny Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all."
"customers who viewed SHIMMERING LIGHTS OUTSIDE THEIR WINDOWS, also viewed THEIR FEET HELPLESSLY MOVING TOWARDS THE DARKNESS OF THE WOODS"
"Your tweet is funny. You didn't hear that short, little exhale through my nose?"
"""I'm turning over a new leaf"" -Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman"
"""guns don't kill people, guns CREATE people!"" *fires 10 newborn babies out of a bazooka*"
"There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't."
"People are so unreliable Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up."