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Joke of the Day

"Change is inevitable Except when it comes to vending machines."

"*Leans head up to wife as I'm dying* Me: My only regret is... *Coughs loudly* Me: ...not having something cooler to say as I die. *Dies*"

"What type of pants does Mario wear? denim denim denim"

"We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead."

"The last thing I remember was my Mom telling me to ""Take Care"". I did, and now Liam Neeson is chasing me."

"What do you call a 7 foot tall Ellen Pao? Pao Ming."

"Wait. I'm not cool cuz I'm home on a weekend night? You mean my home I own? With no landlord, neighbors or...parents? Wow, I'm such a loser."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him."

"Statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape."

"Earlier today, I made up a joke to tell you guys, but um... tsh."