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Joke of the Day
"Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs? Because one egg is un oeuf."
Next Joke
"[ocean's 11 music] So here's the plan,we iron me flat, then slide me into an ATM via the card slot. Once inside, it's a cash playground boys"
"Siri, what's depression? Siri: Here are your directions to Chuck E Cheese."
"My parenting book would be just a series of ""Shhh"" with different lengths and punctuation for various occasions."
"Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom."
"My dad died in Auschwitz He was crushed by a man falling out of a guard tower."
"The difference between Julius Caesar and a Rapist? Caesar came, saw, and conquered, a rapist saw, conquered and came."
"*Shrek pre-production meeting* Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet Guy who named the donkey ""Donkey"": I was thinking Dragon sir"
"I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day."
"My girlfriend just accused me of being a transvestite I was absolutely furious, so I packed her things and left"