18841

Joke of the Day

"LPT: If you ever find yourself lost in the wild... ...simply misspell the SOS signal and some arsehole will show up within minutes to correct you."

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? ...none. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the shit out of the room for being black."

"Every time I try to pick up chicks a description of my car ends up on the news."

"KING SOLOMON: I shall cut it in two, half for each of you. WOMAN: sure ME: OH GOD NO! KING SOLOMON: ok this is clearly your meatball sub."

"My wife and did it twice yesterday and we didn't use any protection... I'm worried we might have twins."

"It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles, that you realise... ...there is always a way to solve problems, without using violence."

"Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf."

"What did the grand chess master say to the recovering alcoholic after he beat him in a game of chess? I was 12 steps ahead of you from the beginning!"

"Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic."

"Let me think of a joke... Well, I would've told you a joke about my dick, but it's too long."