188316

Joke of the Day

"If we have an Idaho, why don't we have an Idapimp? Rimshot.mp3"

"Got a call that my Grandma only has 1 day left to live... But I'm still not paying the ransom."

"Them: We're concerned about you. We think you're a Black Widow [offers me cake & coffee] Me: No thanks. I'm trying not to eat between males"

"If I was a serial killer my name would be ""The suspense"" So my victims would be like ""oh no, the suspense is killing me"" And then we would both laugh right before I kill them."

"I'll dress up like your Dad and hug you at the finish line of a 5K if you promise to never post any Facebook pics of you running ever again."

"Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? They both love to spark up joints."

"I Went To See Star Wars Yesterday... And some asshole in the protectionist's booth spent two hours showing everyone spoilers. What a dick."

"What's blue and orange & sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with burst armbands."

"Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Koresh only burned 85 people."

"It's 2015. I can't believe we're still referring to a dress as colored."