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Joke of the Day

"Them: We're concerned about you. We think you're a Black Widow [offers me cake & coffee] Me: No thanks. I'm trying not to eat between males"

"Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word."

"Guess who just got laid! Not me. Probably someone, but not me."

"Ferguson PD plans on removing all German Shepard k-9 units Turns out Germans aren't the problem. They're going to replace them with coon dogs"

"I found a chocolate bar down the side of the sofa but I didn't celebrate because it was my old club."

"How is soy and dildos similar? They're both meat substitutes"

"Leia: I love you. Han: I know. [gets frozen in carbonite] [two years pass] [gets unfrozen] Leia: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN ""I KNOW?!"""

"Meghan Trainor songs: -All About That Bass -Flounder's Good Too -Also I Like Shrimp -Wait, I'm a Vegan -All About That Kale"

"Know when to holdem *Pick up panties Know when to foldem *Fold em Know when to walk away *Leave laundromat Know when to run *Girl chasing me"

"What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals? He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed."