188060

Joke of the Day

"Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball."

"If I was in the military, I would be a sniper. That way I can lie down a lot."

"Stranger adds me to facebook *has a panic attack* Creepy as hell stranger follows on twitter *does victory dance*"

"Me: What happened to all the bourbon? Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder... of someone else, who isn't quite as absent."

"Me: You're kidnapping me? Where're we going? Can we feed my cats first? Is there a ransom? Cool van. My name- Him: Changed my mind. Get out."

"I had my FIRST THREE WAY!!! There were a couple of no-shows, but I STILL HAD A GREAT TIME!!"

"Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross."

"There's a doping scandal at the Rio de Janeiro Paralympics involving the Russians. We will see if these accusation stories have any legs."

"I like my women like I like my games.. ..pay to play."