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Joke of the Day

"The body burns a lot of calories digesting food. That's why I eat instead of exercising."

"What's the difference between Mormons and non Mormons? The temperature of their caffeine"

"Sorry about my two week Twitter hiatus, I was trying to find the end of the plastic wrap."

"""Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!"" Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?"

"PRANK: ask someone what's on their shirt and when they look down give them a perm"

"Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school. Headmaster."

"What do you call a mexican midget? A paragraph... Because he's not a full essay"

"I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals... ...fucking livid..."

"What's the difference between Det. Rust Cohle and a psychopath? Psychopaths are fun at parties."

"What is it called when a bunch of people, all under 5'2"", go to a raging party? High wasted shorts!"