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Joke of the Day

"""Give it to me! Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella."

"[two australians playing chess in a restaurant] check, mate *everyone explodes*"

"Knock Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Mandela Effect."

"I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative."

"Whenever I see a car with an ""Italia"" bumper sticker on it, I always write ""Gen"" in front of it because I'm an adult."

"My girlfriend wanted me to make her feel like she's the only girl in the world. So I signed her up for Electrical Engineering."

"How do you get off a non-stop flight?"

"IF I WIN THE LOTTERY MY CATS ARE GETTING GOLD TEETH AND CANOPY BEDS"

"""I probably shouldn't have said that out loud"" -a biography"

"What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server? R.I.P. My Inbox"