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Joke of the Day

"""Give it to me! Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella."

"My wife has just come home and asked how things went with the baby. Now in mild panic mode as I thought she took the baby along with her"

"What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed? Keep it up!"

"If you're wearing a cowboy outfit... Does that mean you're ranch dressing?"

"I also like my coffee like i like my slaves. Hand-picked from a third world country. ...I'll show myself out."

"There's no law that says you can't use a tiny pancake as an eyepatch."

"Why are most male squirrels gay? Cuz they love nuts!"

"A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar He buys a beer."

"Yeah, bro. I train and I lift... ...It's easier to get to work that way than to bike and to stairs."

"Why do they call them ""S'mores""? Because you always want another one!"