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Joke of the Day

"Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don't have any friends."

"Not that anybody asked, but the Irresistible Force beats the Immovable Object every time."

"""Where do escalators come from?"" ""Well, when an Escalade and an alligator love each other very much..."""

"RRH: Grandma, what big eyes you have. And what big ears you have. And what big TEETH you have! Grandma: You're my least favorite grandchild"

"Dirty Laundry When you wash a teenage boy's socks, you're doing a load of loads"

"If my memory foam mattress really had ""memory,"" it could write for Penthouse."

"You call it nervousness or having the jitters. I call it, I think my body was possessed by a meth addict in detox. Samesies?"

"I can odd. But I can't even."

"Two old men sitting on a porch... There is a dog licking himself in the front yard. One old man says to the other, ""Man, I wish I could do that."" The other replies, ""That dog would bite you."""

"I Used To Date A Girl With A Lazy Eye... Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time."