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Joke of the Day

"What kind of ant can count? An account*ant*."

"What's older than sand? The reposts on reddit. *seriously need new jokes*"

"My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road."

"If there's a zombie apocalypse, I'm becoming a zombie. Walking around doing nothing & eating non-stop seems like a pretty sweet deal to me."

"What did the policeman say when he pulled over a nissan? Nissan Haltima Bonus: What do you call it when a kia pulls up to a red light? Kia stoptima"

"In an effort to be sexier for my wife, I figured I'd pluck 60% of my chest hair... 3 of the 5."

"YouTube: ""Sorry, this video is not available in your country.""Me: ""Fucking racist!!!!"""

"What's the difference between a boy band and a band of just guys? The person sucking dick."

"I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. ""How's it going?"", ""How about the weather?"", ""Where are your pants?""."

"what car do people drive in Norway when it floods? the fjord escape"