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Joke of the Day

"I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work."

"The fifth season will start in a few days Nuclear Winter"

"Did you hear about the guy who got his tongue cut out by the mafia? Never mind. It's a tasteless joke."

"What's Iron Man's favorite ride at the carnival? The ferrous wheel."

"Tell me your best one-liner. I'll start. Scientists have discovered that diarrhea runs in the genes."

"I held an orgy for my sexual dysfunction class last night. Nobody came."

"The blond girl and the car What did the blond girl say when she saw the car? Answer: That's the lost one right there."

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'."

"Why does the French flag have Velcro? So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war."

"If you're the guard at a Samsung store ... Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?"