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Joke of the Day

"TIL Pigeons die when they have sex At least the one I fucked did"

"MAGICIAN: Think of a number, any number. ME: *thinks for a bit* ...k MAGICIAN: That is a letter. ME: omg ur right"

"ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]"

"What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates? Doctors without boarders."

"*sees a fly* ahhh *trying to swat fly* nooo *gives up* well if ur gona stay at least pay rent lol FLY: *hands me a tiny check* ME: wat the"

"The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him."

"*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting* *meeting starts* *I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers* *touches all the paper work*"

"Which people do the burgers hate? The ones who are always putting the bite on them!"

"You need to log on to the window repair website! I did - but it gave me a pane!"

"The reward for a job well done is more work."