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Joke of the Day

"[GF comes home to find our son alone] Where are you? I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: [soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice] I AM"

"Why was Mussolini never invited to parties? He was always fascistly late."

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"What's red and orange and looks great on hippies? Napalm"

"What did the bartender say to the jumper cables? You better not try to start anything."

"The Red Hot Chili Peppers failed to show up to their concert last night. They're now known as the Red Hot Chili Flakes."

"Why do women pierce their bellybutton? Place to hang their air freshener."

"Broccoli is like sex If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult"

"A gorilla walks into a bar Holy shit run!"

"Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the surveillence cameras"