23730

Joke of the Day

"The Red Hot Chili Peppers failed to show up to their concert last night. They're now known as the Red Hot Chili Flakes."

"It's a funny old world we live in. Once we had empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings. Now we have countries..."

"I've been chasing a fly around my apartment for like 20 mins with a rolled up magazine. There's a really good article I think he should see"

"I can't help but feel partially responsible for the fact that you're reading this Tweet right now."

"My thoughts today are like underwear, I don't have any clean ones."

"So a bear walks into a bear... and says, ""Sorry, I didn't see you there."" - my daughter, age 5"

"You know why Trump is still the GOP candidate? The GOP is pro-life."

"I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap."

"sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don't think they're ugly or something"

"If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher."