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Joke of the Day

"I thought the stories I wrote were a little black-and-white, but my publisher seemed to like them. He said he wants some new ones."

Next Joke
 
"Desperate, I pull a goose from my bag and throw it screaming into the bully's face. Gertrude, my biggest and angriest goose, destroys him."
"What do you call two ants running away? Antelope!"
"How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be silly, Feminists can't change anything!"
"If chick-fil-a ever merged with five guys, what would they could call themselves? five-guys-fil-a-chick"
"Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death."
"What's Isis' favorite race? The 100-meter daesh. Q: What's Isis' favorite punctuation mark? A: The em-daesh. Q: How much cinnamon does the Isis recipe for gingersnaps call for? A: Just a daesh."
"What did Tony the Tiger say to the kids playing baseball? ""Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!"""
"Fact: it's impossible to look tough while getting a snack from a vending machine. You're all, ""Wheeee! A tiny bag of Cheetos!"""
"Don't you hate it when you're running on a treadmill and then your butt gets really itchy and then you over-share on the internet?"