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Joke of the Day

"Fact: it's impossible to look tough while getting a snack from a vending machine. You're all, ""Wheeee! A tiny bag of Cheetos!"""

"Hey, do you like Duck Hunt? What are you, a lesbian duck?"

"My wife said she was feeling Light-Headed from a Low Iron Level... So to help her, I raised the Ironing Board to a more Suitable Height..."

"Paid a homeless guy $1 for this: What's a pirate's favorite letter? (They will always say ""arrrrrrhh."") Nope, P, it's like arrrrrrhh without a leg."

"What do you call a retarded Jew? Auschwitistic"

"Im so glad I learned sign language its pretty handy"

"How come it's ok to talk to a stranger's dog on the street but when I ask for the dog's email I'm suddenly a weirdo?"

"What do you call the sequel to Straight Outta Compton about Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg? The Next Episode"

"The difference between my ""Maine lobster"" and my ""main lobster"" is boiling water or a high five."

"How does a cow do math? With a cowculator!"