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Joke of the Day

"America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes."

"A black guy and a jewish guy jump off a building, who lands first? who cares."

"If I had a time machine I would go back to certain conversations with my wife to see if she really said the things she's told me I forgot..."

"You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams."

"When people say ""May I ask who's calling?"" I like to say ""Sure, go ahead."""

"What's the difference between a Greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? One's a crusty bus station, the other's a busty crustacean."

"Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and fix it."

"My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me."

"Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems."

"After the delicious brownies have all been consumed following my funeral, a video of me will inform everyone that they just ate my ashes."