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Joke of the Day

"Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls."

"We've got people working on world peace, and I'm here wondering how I can swipe a piece of my patient's chocolate without her noticing."

"Why don't Junior League debutantes engage in group sex? Too many thank you notes to write afterwards."

"You have to admit, healthcare reform sure beats the most lasting domestic reform of the last guy: warrantless wiretaps."

"Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don't think I am."

"So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird... ...Imagine Dragons."

"What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax? ""I""m arriving, I'm arriving."""

"At first, I never understood why my parents had a bitter relationship Until I realized my birthday was 9 months after my dad's..."

"What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer."

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they...lactose... I'm sorry."