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Joke of the Day

"At first, I never understood why my parents had a bitter relationship Until I realized my birthday was 9 months after my dad's..."

"What do animals read in zoos? Gnus papers."

"*secret agent slaps me* I'll never give you answers *he grabs my throat* ""WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA"" *spits* I'd rather die"

"What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing? Mount Rushmore"

"What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border? A Mexi*can't*"

"Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes"

"I like my women...... I like my women like I like my coffee....... Ground up and in the freezer."

"If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer."

"Why does Oregon Ducks need such big suitcases? Because they Pac-12 of everything"

"*bites into tuba sandwich and breaks teeth* damn autocorrect"