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Joke of the Day

"Girl's status* ""Bored"" 86 likes 27 comments *My status* ""Just got accepted into Harvard! 0 likes 1 comment from Mom: ""nerd"""

"Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads? 'Scurvy"

"You guys should see the look on these haters' faces as I scoot through CVS with two Roombas strapped to my feet."

"Boy, pet stores don't like it when you ask, ""What is the most delicious animal you sell here?"""

"Yesterday in the World Cup, England beat Germany for the first time in recorded history. In fact, it's the first time England has won anything on the 4th of July."

"Making a frisbee out of bread. Let's see how those bloody pigeons deal with that!"

"What does a lawyer and a prostitute have in common? They both fuck you for your money."

"If I was a serial killer my name would be ""The suspense"" So my victims would be like ""oh no, the suspense is killing me"" And then we would both laugh right before I kill them."

"Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor ""Have you ever turned down heroin?"" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers."

"What's a good article I should open as a new tab and not look at for weeks until my browser crashes?"