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Joke of the Day

"What does a lawyer and a prostitute have in common? They both fuck you for your money."

"I don't trust this Obama guy... I think he lies a lot. First he says he's 52, and then the next year he's 53. Which one is it?"

"Q: How much does it cost to get married Dad? A: I don't know son I'm still paying for it."

"Progeria jokes get old real quick."

"Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful."

"Dandruff. Plastic bags. Dish soap --> things more interesting than my friends' Facebook updates"

"What sort file do you you need to turn a 1.5 inch hole into a 4.5 inch one? A pedo-file."

"[If my dog could talk] DUDE, IT'S BEEN 9 YEARS. I GET IT. I'M A GOOD BOY"

"How to tell if you suck at football... Hint: You call it soccer."

"I lovingly caress my belly. ""You're expecting?"" a woman asks. I smile serenely. ""Just ate an amazing burrito,"" I tell her."