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Joke of the Day

"Imagine if trees gave off Wi-Fi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet too. Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath."

"There's no better feeling than laying next to the person you love And they don't know you love them Or that you're in their house again"

"If everyone gets a dollar for every time I fuck a girl. They'd have none."

"What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit? When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is ""eeeeuuuuuuu"""

"I like to imagine Supreme Court is just like regular court but with tomatoes and sour cream."

"My company issues user id's to its new employees based on the 1st letter of their 1st name and the 1st 3 letters of their last name. I feel sorry for my new coworker Tim Watson."

"Why are fisherman so successful in business? Because they use ""net"" profits"

"Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with."

"Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: ""Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"""

"I don't want to lock my account because I like to help my X's feel better about themselves when they check in & make sure I'm still a drunk."