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Joke of the Day

"There's no better feeling than laying next to the person you love And they don't know you love them Or that you're in their house again"

"A pirate with two peg legs walks into a bar... The bartender looks up from his newspaper and says ""you're cut off."""

"This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the ""Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen"" that should confuse her for a while."

"[Car dealership] Me: *taps glove box* How 'bout this one? Salesman: Sir, we've been over this, I don't know how many McNuggets it will hold."

"According to my current parking spot, I'm Chief of Police."

"Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked"

"What do you call an Egyptian spine adjuster? A Cairopractor"

"I visited my boyfriend in prison the other day for a conjugal visit. It was a guilty pleasure."

"Why did the libertarian cross the road? None of your goddamn business. Am I being detained?"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE! AND IT'S NOT FUNNY!"