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Joke of the Day
"Siri, assemble a list of people who are dead to me."
Next Joke
"I watch Aladdin and root for Jafar."
"Hey Chandler, wanna hang out with me, Phoebe and Monica later? We're going to the park to open and close umbrellas in a fountain."
"Why does Oedipus hate to swear? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth"
"Dating a guy with big hands is the best, at any time I can say ""Babe, can you hold these 72 doll heads?"" And he can, he can hold them all."
"MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH"
"How do you blindfold a chinese person? Put floss over their eyes"
"I'm not a violent person. I just really enjoy assisting people in falling down."
"No matter how you behave with people around you. They will love you according to their NEED and MOOD"
"Ladies ... I will solve the argument of the proper skirt length for you. The proper length is at least 2 inches below your cellulite"