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Joke of the Day

"Why did the cookie visit the doctor? He was feeling a little crummy."

"Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse? Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back."

"Nike just announced it will now be using robots instead of children to make shoes Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children."

"You're McDonalds; I'm Burger King I'm doing it my way, and you're lovin' it."

"Two biologists are discussing a new book on amphibians... Biologist 1: What did you think of the chapter on frogs? Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting."

"Why don't blind people go for bungee jumping? it scares the shit out of the dogs."

"I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ""Whoa! I'm way too high!"" -Bruce Baum"

"2-year-old: *points to my belly* Baby! Me: Yep, there's a baby in there! Will you love it? 2: I eat it. Well that escalated quickly."

"A monk walks up to a hot dog stand he says to the cart owner, ""Make me one with everything."""

"Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass"